Exploratory surgery went well.
No major organs were removed, no malignant tumors visualized.
Began with sharp dissection, but the lines drawn with the scalpel were
too precise, too reliant
on a duality of open or closed.
It could only touch the surface.
So, turning to blunt dissection instead,
tissue toughened over years was gently massaged
with the fingers, slowly separating fascia from muscle,
creating weak spots that eventually gave way.
Layer upon layer of muscle was loosened in this way
until the glistening organ showed itself
pulsing and quivering with aliveness.
The room was quiet, the clattering of instruments stilled.
There was just the breath
in and out
and a silent meeting
of the hand and viscera.
Just to see it in the light of day was a miracle.
But of course, one cannot walk out into the world
with the wound gaping open.
So sutures were placed, closing the layers,
tissue well approximated,
Coming out of the steady silence of
meditation, the wound is a bit tender,
but it will heal well.
And when that silence is encountered again,
the scar will know how to give way,
how to reveal the tender mass
with a little less resistance.
written during Rohatsu Sesshin, December 1-8, 2019
Dharma Rain Zen Center, Portland, OR